Lander, WY – According to a recent survey of the WCC Class of 2022, an unexpectedly high -number, ~75% or so of the class want their class to be even smaller than it is now. The Class of 2022 has already has a reputation for people leaving from it, and holds a school record for losing the most students at their current point in their education, with eighteen out of an original 55 in their class “shoving off and hitting the road”. But even with the juniors down to around 37 strong (or I guess more properly: weak) and currently the smallest class at the school, the recent representative survey of students of the class conducted by IIT Polling shows that most members of the class want them to shrink even further, down to 30 students or smaller.
“Its funny and unexplained,” reports James Green, a junior himself, and head of IIT’s polling division. “I thought the juniors would act like juniors now and not like the depressed sophomores they, or I guess we, always seem so happy to act like.” The survey, entitled Optimizing the Class of 2022, had several questions all broadly concerned in one way or another with the size, structure, and shape of the Class of 2022, but “we all found the opinions of the juniors on what they want the size of their class to be the most surprising.”
Only 25% of respondees actually want their class to grow, but even then only slightly, moving up from 37 to around 40 students. A plurality, 38% or so, think a size of around 30 students is optimal, but most interesting is 12.5% of respondents who want a class size closer to 15 and a full 25% who want the entire class to be just three people, William Albers, Janelle Witzaney, and MaryAnne Spiess. We’re not sure how this would work under any circumstance, but again, its interesting to see such desire amongst a class for further devolution of their own.
“Perhaps it’s some sort of sociological experimentation gone haywire over an entire class,”James offers, “But there’s obviously something wrong with the Class of 2022, something unnaturally wrong. We’re looking into it though,” he added.
What’s weirdest about the whole situation, however, is the fact that if 75% of respondees want the class to shrink, and to shrink in the amounts they indicated in their responses to the survey, many of the respondees themselves, according to a high statistical (two sigma) likelihood, want themselves to leave and are implying so in their responses to the survey. “Why don’t they just go ahead and do it then,” suggested IIT columnist Sophia Donaldson, a senior at the school. “Those juniors, they’re all talk and no action. Instead of going out and experiencing the real like my class they just talk and talk and talk. And TALK!”
Several juniors from the class, separate from the survey, have been further confused by the name of their class, the Class of ‘22. “Why don’t we only have 22 people?” one is reportedly questioning, thinking that the Class of ‘22, by its name, must have only 22 members.
School officials of course don’t want the Class of 2022 to shrink, but are somewhat resigned to the inevitability of it all according to several IIT sources familiar with internal communications within the Student Life Office.