Lander, WY — The secret’s out: WCC’s largest, playful-est, most invasive freshmen class will be graduating this spring along with the current seniors.
Dutiful freshmen were cracking open their Winter Trip reading packets this week when some of them noticed an odd paragraph at the top of page 6:
“Of course we considered the possibility that this was a typo,” freshmen class representative Anna Miller told IIT. “But it just didn’t seem likely. The OLP is always attentive to the tiniest details — the grommets on tents, the zippers on sleeping bags, the little flippy thing that cleans the whisper-light stoves. It’s highly unlikely that they would miss something as simple as a single number. The only other explanation is that the OLP is trying to tell us something important.”
Miller and her classmates concluded that college officials have decided to graduate them early with the current seniors. IIT reached out to Mary Detsegah, head of the Student Life office, for confirmation.
“Yes, Anna and her friends are correct,” Detsegah informed IIT. “We’ve decided that the so-called ‘Class of 2024’ will join the current Class of 2021 and graduate this May.”
“There are three reasons we decided to do this,” Detsegah said. “First of all, the freshmen and senior classes are very close. After only one semester, the two classes have formed many friendships and have numerous inside jokes. They’re practically the same class already.”
“Secondly, the freshmen class is slotted to complete all 140 credits by the end of this year. Section 200 worked — and is still working, I should add — very hard to determine whether the earth is young or old, whether evolution occurred, and whether Catholics are even allowed to believe in an old Earth and evolution. The number of hours they’re putting into this project is jaw-dropping — trust me, I’ve read some of the email exchanges. They’re discussing this issue scientifically, philosophically, theologically, rhetorically, artistically, and sometimes even in Latin, fulfilling all the requirements of our curriculum in one ongoing discussion. This class is the most intellectual, integrated class we’ve had in a long time and they deserve their reward.”
“Finally, the college community just really wants the Pequod back. We figured the only way to ensure this was to get rid of the freshmen class completely,” Detsegah finished. “Unfortunately, this decision will cut our Milligan population in half, but that’s a sacrifice we’ll have to make.”
Miller said this decision is causing many mixed feelings in her classmates, but ultimately will help them to get the most out of their last semester at Wyoming Catholic College.
“We’re excited to finish strong and go down in college history as the class that spent only one year at WCC!”