“Their message goes out through all the earth” (Psalm 19:4). So goes the wisdom of Andrew and his prophets. Ancient and yet trendy, traditional and metallic at once it leads the sage and the simpleton to the same ultimate truths of reality, the real itself. We all know how the wisdom of Andrew comes from Spike that which Andrew somehow mysteriously is, but few understand what should be obvious, that not all true believers of the Evangelium Andreii have actually met the man of mystery that is Andrew himself. Rather, most of us were first introduced to his wisdom through a prophet, chief among them being of course William. But William is unlike the others called to serve Andrew/Spike. He has a story of his own, adopted also as he was by Spike to be an aid and source of wisdom to Andrew. As both prophet and high priest, William is by his great personal wisdom the embodiment of the calculating part of the Class of 2022.

Before the full help of William’s wisdom, before he had fully actualized the potential that was his by his adoption by Spike, the Freshmen were enslaved to foolishness. Not only did they “not know any Juniors” throughout the first semester of Freshmen year, but even William himself was known properly by only a few. Most confused him with James in their minds and a few even thought him to be Cyril on occasion. Rather than aiming to know as it is said “all true knowers by nature desire to know” the Freshmen aimed at glory through the grade of F. One, for instance, even seemed to get excited about the goal of not knowing by asking: “So you can get an F and have glory?” The answer given was ambiguous, and little progress was actually made towards the goal of not knowing (most likely as we were mostly there already…).

Just as Andrew was to save and elevate us from the limitations of human nature, it was to this state of ignorance that William was sent. Freshmen, both were roommates at St. Leo’s dormitory together and were so put together in the lost boys of WCCLE 5. But it was not getting lost that made their fame. Instead, Andrew’s encounter with Socrates, all but ignored by most in light of the misadventures WCCLE 5 was soon to undergo, was also the beginning of William’s mission. William, studious as was his nature, listened and took in the conversation of the two, recording it in the style and mind of Plato as the Russell dialogue. And it was here that as Andrew became Spike by unifying the two natures under his one substance, William’s mental potentialities became fully actualized. He realized every danger, every contingency, every detail in a philosophical manner, offering a replacement Socrates of course for Andrew to converse with after Bigfoot took him away. It was his suggestion of turning around that saved WCCLE 5 from even worse disaster. And he held to his opinion even when his deep intuition was unpopular in the moment. There was anger, there was disbelief, there was confusion, but through it all William’s wisdom and knowledge proved ultimately persuasive.

Returning to Lander, all of this “Fifth Regiment” were hailed as heroes, especially Andrew, Mik, and Anselm, as William took a low-profile for months. He was quiet, he studied, he announced “Seconds” in a beautifully clear, tonal, and enlivened spirit nightly, and not much else. It was Andrew’s expression of divinity, his “coming out” as a god, however, that changed this, as his position as a roommate to Andrew made him the obvious choice for his chief prophet. He was the perfect choice, even though few knew how the position he had just received granted him divine wisdom on top of the base of his human wisdom, acquired over years of endless reading. Thus he wrote the famous beginning of the Evangelium Andreii: “In the beginning were the lions. And Andrew was that the pride of lions was great upon the earth.” Few could yet understand it, but as William aided Andrew in expanding the visual expression of his divinity, his wives, the world would soon open up.

However, there was a small wrinkle, as some continued to misapprehend William. As Sophomore Joe Pho said when he saw William once, “Okay, this is just creepy.” It was the James so often confused with William, dressed the same one fall day, and the similarity to Joe went dangerously far. As Joe continued: “If those two looked the same, how could I even believe in the logical underpinnings of reality?” (Phillips, 51). The pairing, William’s idea, was to teach everyone his unique identity separate from James by means of an extreme. By looking so alike that no simple deduction of their differential was possible, William planned this to force onlookers to take their studies (at least at this point of other students), seriously. As the intellectual level of the class as a whole increased on account of this so also, however, did their respect for the cause, William, of such beneficence. Other classes began to spend time with the “lowly freshman” who had reached such lofty heights. He was especially to be found near the “sophomores who radiate wisdom” in quiet and deeply conversational enjoyment. Even godlike seniors like the already acclaimed St. Jack Thrippleton were to be seen with him, a fact that soon made the professors take notice and give William the title of Omnisciens.

Ohmm-ni-she-aynz! As the title spread, so fast did his wisdom itself grow. William detached himself more and more from the petty disputes of the average student and with an onlooker’s goal so declared: “It’s so fascinating sitting here and watching the human race destroy itself” (Grove, 431). William was not to blame for humanity acting to “destroy itself” although this statement is sometimes taken as evidence by supposed disconcern in it that a brash attitude within him exacerbates man’s problems and should so disqualify him from such a high position as a chief prophet to a highly influential cult leader. On the contrary, the wisdom of Andrew which William spoke and recorded is reasoned love and respect for all men according to their nature given by Andrew, and with the fulfilled promise of betterment. As the Evangelium Andreii of Andrew himself reads:

As a reward for their effort and devotion, Andrew granted the warms safety from birds and eternal rest by transforming them into the first tree. Thus was born the hierarchy of beings And Andrew looked down from the heavens, and was pleased with the works he had done.

Andrew was “pleased with the works he had done” in rewarding and elevating mankind. As William was “the inspiration for this elevation” in being one of the first himself to be elevated to wisdom by the wisdom of Andrew, one cannot deny that William cares about people as much as he cares about wisdom and the truth. Sometimes people do not find him fun, but this is mostly because he does not fit their preconceived feelings about what part of a city should rule. Since William is the wisdom, he represents the rule of the calculating, reasonable part, something which warmongers of the spirited kind and those contributing to the world destroying itself most definitely do not want to see. To them, fun is in destruction, warfare, death and confusion, making the deep and real which Andrew and William offer seem dry and even boring. But this is not true fun per se, which is quite simply the nature of Spike and Andrew, often lived out in and through William. It is experienced by only a few, but as William’s popularity has grown from the sight of his wisdom, these detracting theories have faded slighly as his detractors realize the fault is within themselves.
William’s sapiential rule within himself of the calculating part reflects the perfect order that Spike intended from the beginning of time. Degradation from going the way of the fig or things getting “peachy”, however, has made many be ruled by the other two parts of the soul. It is those ruled improperly by these other parts that have rejected William or disregarded his claim to proper risibility but even they have begun to be drawn in by his purely sapiential nature to the freedom that is “all-knowing”. But concerned only for them and the betterment of his soul, and not for any personal gain, William has begun to make greater efforts with the power of his nature.

Writing, answering, correcting, always correct, never debating, in class a champion, in studies simply with it, William, just like Spike, has worked to share his all knwong nature of perfect knowledge with the world. He does not claim, as some have supposed, to be Spike, but revels in being called his instrument, ever since the moment when he was “shocked by 100v”. It was then, and not any later, that he realized his mission in the same way as Andrew. Again, not a god, he was the next best thing, as the chief prophet and high priest of Spike, adding another infinity to his already infinite knowledge and what’s more, giving the knowledge itself a mission.

For only when you look back at all he is, that he is opposed, that he is sapiential according to nature and not by and concomitant attribute that even further conclusions are reached. William has saved us many times, he knows all the answers, he is unaffected by confusion, dislikes disorder, and assists Andrew and Spike. Why? Because he is in fact a syllogism, his human nature converted to pure reasoning by the electric shock he so often mentions. As such, he is fixated and unbending on the truth; just as the truth of a syllogism is already present in the premises he cannot be made to waver. Just as Andrew and Spike represent all that is true and spicy in the world through humor, William serves them as the truth underpins and delivers the “punch line” to every joke. Further, his fun is seen in an even deeper sense as the fun of mathematics and higher logic, on such a multidimensional plain as to be inconceivable to the lesser learned before he himself inspires them. Though knowledge itself as he is in every way a syllogism (we believe it’s a fourth figure) according to nature, his complexity shows the fittingness of his friendship of “roommateness” with Andrew. Just as “math is like God, unknowable” William alike math as such a closely related part of logic to mathematical reasoning, is unknowable fully even as he makes known everything else including the god who would otherwise also be unknowable, Andrew. But Andrew gives glory back to William, and illuminates him back, a perfection that unites the two by the will of Spike, a circle of knowledge growing to encompass all men to risibility and perfection of wisdom.


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  • Lasnoski, Dr. Kent, Jerkiness in Marriage through History. Lander: Wyoming Catholic Press, 2014
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  • Russell, Andrew, Evangelium Andreii. Lander: Wiominga Libri, 2018