Are you at risk of contracting Protestantism?

With the much heralded return of Ruth’s “posse”, a.k.a. friends and family this week to Wyoming Catholic College, officials have detected a sudden and worrisome in positive cases of Protestantism on campus. “For years we thought we were safe with the situation under control,” the school executive vice president Saul H. Ciwoknot reported, “Only one case, one person, whom we quarantined away by making her a prefect. But now suddenly this week out of the blue we find ourselves with nearly twenty cases on campus.”

Luckily only an extremely small number of the detected cases are of students, with the random variable corresponding to the current number expected to have a value (or mean μ) of 1 and an extremely small sigma ?.

School officials are taking steps to investigate and hopefully fail to reject the current null hypothesis that the current spike in positive cases of Protestantism is temporary and has no connection to long term demographic and religious trends at the school. “Hopefully they’ll all be gone by next week,” added Ciwoknot. “Luckily Ruth herself is developing another vaccine, but the current situation shows us just how unprotected we are, even out here in such an isolated spot as Wyoming. What if we get another outbreak of Mormons, or Charismatics, or… perahps, even worse?”

According to the school’s top health and medical experts the same few simple steps we’ve all been practicing for so long already can reduce, but not eliminate, the risk of contracting Protestantism on campus at WCC and students. “Wear a mask over your eyes whenever you see a King James Bible, stay a tleast 200 feet away from Protestants and Protestant churches at all times, stay out of Theology class if you feel any symptoms of heretical doctrine, you know the drill,” says WCC’s top Wilderness First Responder (WFR) Benjamin Milligan. “Only you can prevent the spread of heresy and schism on campus.”

WCC will also reportedly be taking additional steps to ensure student and campus safety pending a meeting of the Risk Management Committee today. Measures, however, have not yet been set in stone according to our internal source in WCC administration but will be reported as soon as we are made known of firm plans.

Some of the positive tests reportedly came not just from students, their friends, and visitors, but according to the school’s dean Professor Cleanut, even from faculty.