Lander, WY – Today was the traditional top-secret class for WCC seniors that caps of their four years of education where they’re “told one secret fact that’s presented in a beautiful experience transforming everything” as some seniors have put it. All attendees are sworn to secrecy over exactly what goes on at the final of the final classes of the WCC curriculum but never fear, here at IIT when we say we have sources, we have sources.
Of course, we won’t disclose them, but needless to say the secret is out.
We’re not sure whether we’d say it’s beautiful, but WCC’s top secret is that philosophy professor and evolution expert Dr. Bolsson is actually a Neanderthal man and the school has “all the skeletons of his ancestors to prove it.” Not only is Dr. Bolsson the living “missing link” needed to prove biological evolution, but it also explains why he likes rocks so much, why WCC has an outdoor program, takes freshmen out caving, why Dr. Bolsson shows videos of monkeys all the time in his classes and even why freshmen girls always hold each others’ hands all the time, and maybe even more.”
“It all comes down to believing in evolution,” said our source, “as well as believing Dr. Bolsson in everything.”
Of course, the WCC administration won’t confirm that our source spoke truly, as they still want to act as if their secret is safe. But you can rest assured that the secret was almost as interesting and exciting as some of the other things we thought the secret would be. The only thing we’re wondering is why WCC wants this to be a secret. Isn’t it amazing and transformative?
Note: Shh, but our source was Brother Kent Spirit Fire Lasnoski!