Cairo, Egypt – The regional headquarters for the Middle East of the World Health Organization (W.H.O.) warned the semi-political, semi-military organization (and “really good group of guys to hang out with on the weekends over a glass of beer) named Hamas, that they “must sanitize their rockets before firing them at Israel.”

“Sorry to slow down your fun,” added Dr. Odiod Iodi, regional director of the WHO. “I knew it always seems like we’re just here to throw up red tape, but truth is, we’re still in the middle of a global pandemic and we really don’t want any more COVID-19 being spread anywhere, even by rockets.”

Luckily for Hamas, an amazing new rocket sanitizer has been developed by Purell that sanitizes rockets so effectively that up to 99.99% of COVID-19 can be removed in 15 seconds. “Killing 99.99% of COVID-19 AND 99.99% of your enemies? I’d say that’s a win-win,” Dr. Iodi added. “Purell Rocket Sanitizer is cheap at only ten thousand American dollars per gallon (at most recent check of dollar value) but just to make sure you’re not inconvenienced at all in your great humanitarian work of decorating the Israeli skies, the WHO will even subsidize it for you.”

Israel, however, was told by the W.H.O. today that rather than buying rocket sanitizer, the best thing they could do to help the regional COVID-19 situation is simply to stop existing. “If they all drop dead right now, instantly nine million people are saved from the risk of dying of COVID-19,” Odi added. “Incidentally that’s part of the reason why we’re so excited about making sure the Hamas rockets can keep on firing safely. The more people they kill, the fewer are able to die from COVID-19.”