We all know that the ultimate goal of the Wyoming Catholic College curriculum is to enable you to love the good, true, and beautiful. Most often, however, people best find and appreciate the good, true, and beautiful through the particular instantiation of these qualities as apprehended another person. In simpler terms, that means dating. I think that then means that the ultimate goal of the WCC curriculum is to get people to start dating. But for many people, dating is such a big and scary concept, almost like Dr. Baxter’s “numinous” or the precise meaning of Professor Washut’s “yein” that they don’t know how to do it right, or even start it right.

Luckily, even though practically none of the current IIT staff is currently dating, we have all sorts of expertise from our wide range of experiences, intelligence gathering, and advising others in all matters of life. Here are ten top ways to start fulfilling the ultimate goal of the WCC curriculum for yourself by discovering the good, true, and beautiful in a person of the opposite sex.

They’re ALL watching you
  1. Become an EF server (men) OR Pray Compline with the group at Holy Rosary (men or women)

These two ideas are kind of connected, but often better results are achieved when the two are combined. According to WCC’s head sacristan Jacob Zepp, every time he tries to train another server in the Extraordinary Form they start dating on him and instantly don’t want to serve anymore since they’ve discovered so much of the good, true, and beautiful that they want to sit next to it at every Mass. We’re not exactly sure why women always fall for the EF servers, but maybe it has something to do with their visibility in front of everyone, the beautiful way in which they genuflect, or something about hearing them talk in Latin in front of everybody that’s Romantic or something.

Everyone, both men and women, however, can also join the Compline praying group up at Holy Rosary. Maybe its the quiet church background, hearing people of the opposite sex singing beautifully, the nice time spent walking slowly back to the dorms afterwards, but something about the experience is so romantic that nearly everyone who prays compline with this group ends up dating within a semester or two.

St. John’s viewed from the top of St. Joan’s
  1. Live in St. Johns (men) OR Live in St. Joans (women)

We’re also not exactly sure why, but these two dorms have the highest dating rates at the entire school. Maybe it has to do with the poster in the hallway of Joan’s proclaiming their common desire for a Prince Charming, or the St. John’s fad of singing old Irish love songs all the time, but something about those two dorms seems to be set up for love. And that love is often with each other. Most of the people dating in either of these two dorms (and 100% of currently engaged students) are dating a person in the other.

Join these dorms today for the coming year and find your Prince (or Lady) Charming.

  1. Go to speed dating (school-sponsored answer)

(This answer sponsored by the WCC Student Life Office, who may or not make bucketloads of money off of poor college students who spring their hard-earned money to go to the annual event) Speed dating is amazing, awesome, and works. Just go, don’t think, and rest in the school’s promise that the event is 95% plus effective (rate of student attendees who are dating within a month following the event).

  1. Email your resume to all students of the opposite sex

If you’re really desperate, just send your resume and a cover letter, objective: marriage in general to all members of the opposite sex. No one has tried it before, so we’ll just assume it works in the lack of evidence on the assumption of a strong prior probability. Hey, all school emails work. The school wouldn’t you send them if they didn’t have a telos. Make it work for you, speak your new word, and create your future. You may think its embarrassing, but won’t they all admire your boldness? I’m sure the expected value is higher than the expected risk

  1. Sit next to someone at Mass

In other words fake it until you make it. After you sit next to the same person long enough, everyone else will think your dating and the person your sitting next to will eventually realize that it would be less awkward to start dating than have to explain to a hundred-and-fifty people that you aren’t. Remember though that randomization is the principle of success in any experiment so make sure that the person you’re running this Binomial experiment in love with is picked completely at random.

  1. Schedule a meeting with Dr. Lasnoski and a person of the opposite sex

Everyone else will assume you’re dating if you schedule a meeting with Dr. Lasnoski and a said particular person of the opposite sex. What other reason would there be for multiple people to meet with him at once? It’s not like he’s the Faculty/Student Life liaison or anything like that. In fact, meeting with Dr. Lasnoski and a person of the opposite sex is almost equivalent to having proposing to him or her (because it often means you have already proposed).

  1. Sit next to a member of the opposite sex in classBonus, offer to hand them their backpack after class as well

Ok, this might seem to obvious, but just sit next to them all the time for Pete’s sake. You’ll obviously wow them with your intellectual abilities and you might as well start getting used to having deep conversations mere feet from their face. Sit right down next to them and don’t be ashamed about it. Perhaps you’ll even get the professor to be compassionate on you and he’ll make you and the other person work on a small-group assignment or discussion together or something. As a bonus, you could be really kind to them in class. Offer to hand them their backpack after class, hand them pencils, pens, erasers, white-out, the test answers, your Nalgene, your credit-card, your social security card, your firstborn son, you name it, anything. Just make sure they constantly feel the presence of their kindness in class and they’ll fall for you in the hallway outside.

  1. Stand up at a meal in Frassati, ring the gong, and then shout “I’m single”

William almost did exactly this and he’s practically dating mathematics already, so you can’t say its a hopeless endeavor. Make sure to do this while there are plenty of visitors, however, for best results.

  1. Get assigned to the same Work-Study shift as them.

According to experts at Thomas Aquinas College, “magic happens in the kitchen” and we believe at broader-minded WCC that magic can happen anywhere at WCC where people work together. Didn’t Mother Theresa say, “those who work together stay together.” Or was that Karl Max, or Margaret Thatcher, or one of the pre-Socratics who said it? Doesn’t matter, its good advice any way you look at it. Be assigned to the same Work-Study position (and better, shift) and you’re practically beginning your domestic life with them early. Sweep the floors together and you can share the weight of the broom. Sort gear in the OLP and you’ll be crammed in so tightly in the corridors you’ll practically have to hug to get out. Just make sure not to accidentally spray them with water in the kitchen. That’s not a faux-paz that was easy for anyone other than Michael Rose to get out of.

  1. Go on the convent trip and invite men along (women) OR Visit a seminary and invite women along (men)

Looking like you’re interested in either of these ideas is sure to paint you as so disinterested in marriage that members of the opposite sex will feel like they are the instrument of God’s providence in correcting your discernment. Just make sure to get school approval first to take them along first. Also, its best not to start dating until after the trip. At least wait to hold their hand until you’re driving back to Lander. These are not the trips, unfortunately, in which you should sit next to members of the opposite sex at Mass.

Ready to start dating? Try any one of these ten tricks as soon as you get a chance or talk to one of our dating experts for even more, and possibly even personalized, advice.