Lander, WY – According to God’s latest statistics, his highest creation, humanity, in 2021 for the first time no longer leads the pack among mammals in terms of intelligence. “Even after that whole ‘losing original justice’ thing man was still pretty naturally smart and able to reason some things out,” commented the Archangel Raphael, speaking for God. “But man somehow has recently been getting worse, even with the Incarnation and all the stuff God’s been doing to shower down grace, somehow he’s kept acting stupider and stupider and now ranks behind dolphins.”
Dolphins have now overtaken mankind as the smartest of God’s creatures. “They may not be rational, but at least they’re not misusing their reason,” Raphael added, commenting on God’s News Network (a news streaming service accessible only through the Beatific Vision), “None of them are crybabies, they at least act grown-up according to their natures when they’re in public, and none of them are so afraid of death or of other people that they’ve locked themselves up in closets for a year. Besides, none of them
Asked by a CNN reporter whether God would consider showering grace upon the dolphin nature in lieu of further benefits, Raphael replied that God’s plan for mankind has remained unchanged in spite of this apparent setback from the human perspective. “It’s really a sign of your own lack of intelligence if you think God’s unchanging will could be thwarted by human stupidity,” Raphel fired back, causing the reporter to stutter and then squirm in his seat as he realized he was only proving God’s point by his question.
God already knows the results of all future measurements of human versus other mammal intelligence, and man is expected to pick up the slack sometime in the future, but “it should be mildly embarrassing for your kind to rank below a lower type of creature,” added Raphael. “God’s been keeping what the future rankings will be close to his chest, but I’m at least hopeful for humans to squeak past dolphins again by 2032. We may have to have another plague or two and a couple of wars to really make man start thinking again.”
CNN attempted to contact a dolphin and a randomly selected human (they picked an Antifa member) to gauge their reactions to the news. However, the sounds each produced were so nearly identical to each other that they gave up attempting to interpret them. IIT reporter who gained access to the tapes of these interviews weren’t able to discern them either as each sounded like a high-pitched baby’s scream.
Among humans, another interesting result that God tallied is that women are now smarter and better use their reason than men, the opposite of the original way God intended and began things.