Lander, WY – Wyoming Catholic College sophomore (and rising junior) Michel Rioux has “bought Hollywood” in a move that will see every major Hollywood movie studio consolidated under his new corporation, White Rose Studios. “We’re a little confused by this out-of-the-blue acquisition,” said CNN news anchor Jim Acosta, echoing the surprise of many of his colleagues. “I’d have bought all of Hollywood myself if I had the opportunity, as would most of my friends. Wherever Michel got the money to buy it, it sure was a bold move though.”
According to IIT’s intelligence agencies, however, Michel didn’t really have to pay much money at all. “They were all losing money anyway and wanted to sell,” he reportedly told reporters. “Morally bankrupt, culturally bankrupt, musically bankrupt, bankrupt of having knights and damsels in distress in their movie, bankrupt in having cloaked figures in their movies and medieval settings. They were just plain bankrupt and happy to sell so I didn’t have to pay much money at all.”
Michel, well-known at WCC for his defense of proper chivalry, comportment, and high-class etiquette, plans to extend the model that has worked for his own life to all new Hollywood films to come. “Imagine a new popular adventure series about a young knight attempting to live chivalry in his daily life. A TV show about a blacksmith who’s forced to face off the Turks while keeping his daughters dressed modestly at home. A five-part saga about the problem of people counting wrong. The adventures of a piece of spam mail in the Middle Ages and how it contributed to the rise and fall of a kingdom. Or a Star Wars trilogy set in the Middle Ages where Anakin is forced to nobly storm the castle of the Grand Vizier of Hurabanard. The possibilities are endless with the great vision I have for Hollywood.”
Michel officially takes ownership of all of Hollywood in early July and already has thirty-five films outlined for pre-production and perhaps even filming this year with several dozen more concepts in earlier stages of development.
“Don’t worry kids, Hollywood is going to be awesome again. Action and adventure, love and life, faith and freedom, they’re all coming back and coming back together in the big-screen,” he proclaimed.