Lander, WY – According to a press release from the Chaplaincy department at Wyoming Catholic College (WCC), the school is in the process of phasing out the celebration of the Roman Rite on campus at the school and will “become Byzantine only by Fall 2022.”
“Practically everyone who matters is Byzantine already,” commented the school’s dean, Professor Cleanut in the announcement. “And the rest of the Romans will have graduated by that time anyway, so this decision won’t really affect anyone.” Current guidelines being issued to the school’s admissions counselors concord with this change, as “only Byzantines and Protestant students will be allowed to come to the school starting this year,” with any other prospective students who don’t meet this requirement being directed to Thomas Aquinas College (TAC).
Only having one rite at the school will “really help build up community unity again,” Cleanut added. “We won’t have a split celebration of Easter or divided groups of people on Sunday anymore. No East vs. West debates in the hallways will also help us all refocus on the academic good.”
But most importantly the school is excited about the financial benefits of only supporting one rite. “We’ll save over 50% of our chaplaincy budget, only have to pay for one chaplain, and only have to one sacristan instead of three. Instant $10,000 a year savings right there with the last one alone,” school assistant student life director Kathleen Milligan told IIT.
Roman rite proponents at the school all the way from head Roman rite sacristan Jack Pezz all the way to the last Rad-Trad remaining at the school (meaning the last one who hasn’t become Byzantine yet…) Olivia Esoroma are “bothered by the situation” as Jack, a strong believer in liturgical diversity commented that “this just doesn’t seem like the decision the magnanimous man would have made. Even an artifex would have wanted at least two rites at the school.”
However according to Pezz the situation is at least slightly rectifiable as all those who are currently Byzantine are expected to keep moving around the “liturgy wheel”: “Mark my words, they’ll be at least Orthodox if not worse in a year or two. Rad-trads and Catholics will make a comeback at WCC a year or two later when they come back around.”
Byzantines at WCC are celebrating the move, however, with plans to construct a commemorative statue of Fr. David and Professor Cleaut signing the deal that made this shift to one rite official.