Cult of the Tree of Life
Hereby today we declare that Richard F. Matthews and Emily P. Flores were, having been under the influence of the drug known as “coffee”, under improper impediment from true Andreic marriage.
Under the investigation of I.I.T. lawyers employed under contract for Andrew Russell and the Cult of the Tree of Life we have determined and found the blame for this impediment to have fallen upon the marriage advice of one Cyril A. Patton and his AntiSleep Foundation
Hence their engagement is now according to IIT protocols, metalhead philosophy, and the Andreic mind hereby null, void, and chastened.
We urge all to recognize that their dating was not sudo and so can be legally be broken by IIT enforcement
Furthermore, Emily has found her true love in one Nikolaj Z. Zagorski in another non-sudo dating engagement
IIT investigation has found no impediments for this proposed relationship.
We hereby urge all to recognize the legally binding nature of Estrella and Nick’s courtship as it is sanctioned and was arranged by the Student Life office at Wyoming Catholic College
In summary, Emily and Richard have broken up and Emily and Nick are now together, by Wyoming Catholic College, Irkutsk Ice Truckers, and Cult of the Tree of Life sanction,
All assets will be divided among the parties as before the first engagement.
Reaffirmed June 12, 2019 by:
E.L.P.
R.M.
E.F.
M.Z.