NOTE: Like almost everything on this site this is parody and fake. We heard that someone thought it was true and want to make sure people who find this article searching for the Apostolate for Family Consecration aren’t confused.
Steubenville, Ohio: Continuing its acquisition spree, Wyoming Catholic College announced plans today to acquire the Apostolate for Family Consecration.
Established in 1975 the AFC by to sanctify and consecrate families in the truths of the Catholic Faith. Their headquarters, Catholic Familyland, is a multifaceted retreat center engaging families in a broad array of fun faith-building and recreational activities.
“We’re pretty much doing the same things already,” says Kevin Anderson of WCC’s board of directors about today’s annoucement. “By buying the Apostolate for Family Consecration (AFC) we’ll be doubling both our and their geographical reach.”
Financing for the deal, estimated by the Global Wyoming Bank to be worth more than $534 million, will come from profits from Crux Coffee and the new WCC owned Irkutsk Ice Cream shop with the AFC to be run a separate subsidiary of a reorganized WCC Holdings INC LLC.
WCC will use its Broken Anvil Ranch to launch a new western campus for Catholic Familyland that will have “surprising new western twists” as a school spokesman offered. “While finance analysts have questioned why we’re making this jump our commonalities on matters of the real, being Catholic, having an ice cream shop, and having a god/superhero each to ourselves (Andrew Russell and Rory) makes us obvious partners in this transactional relationship.”
Supposedly this deal will include the re-purposing of the Franciscan University of Steubenville into five East Coast campuses of WCC. This is unconfirmed but seems suggested by Anderson’s “doubling both our and their geographical reach”.
Further details will be forthcoming after the transaction concludes, which could be as soon as this Monday.
At press time, however, it