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Since we first mentioned our plan to make a new translation of the Bible, we changed its name, and are now calling it the IIT rather than the Latin Room Translation (LRT) but it is in progress, and going really well. Conceived by rowdy student rockers with the goal of improving vocabularic relevance and adherence to our metalhead interpretations of the true spirit of God’s word, IIT staff writers including Everett, the Terror, Sophia, Adam, and more are contributing to our work, one which has the tentative approval of Andrew himself. A Catholic imprimatur may take longer to secure, but early signs out of the coming Amazon synod may show our work to actually be a little too conservative.

Here’s a short excerpt from our translation of Gospel of Matthew to show you just a bit of what we have in store:

11 While Jesus’ buds made their merry way to Galilee, behold, some of the security enforcers of the local government went into the city and after a long three hours in the waiting room of the police station and several scrolls of paperwork told the chief priests all that had taken place.

12 And when they had assembled with the bureaucrats and taken full consideration of every detail after their lunch break, the officials there decided to give a sum of money to the soldiers, 

13 and they said to them “Go on Roman International TV (RITV) and tell everyone that you know what really happened. Say, ‘His disciples came by night like people do in James Bond movies and stole him away by sabotaging our security cameras and disconnecting our alarms.’ 

14 We’ll take care of the governor for you. He’ll take your explanation and order a special counsel investigation, but don’t worry, you’ll be kept out of trouble.” 

15 And thus the bribed guards did. They took the money, had a nice party on the rooftops of Jerusalem and gave their directed interview with RITV News. Their story, persuading many, has officially been recorded in Roman government textbooks and remains trending on Jewish social media even to this day as #NightSwipe.

16 Now the eleven disciples drove to Galilee, and took a quick and rad hike to the mountain to Jesus had texted them the directions to. 

17 And when they saw him they took selfies with Him; but some doubted and put questioning emoticons on their Snapchat profiles. 

18 And Jesus pulled out a microphone and said to them, unbeknownstly broadcast on thirty-four TV channels at once  “All authority in the whole shebang has been dropped on my shoulders. 

19 Travel the world and let’s make the faith go viral. Baptize every man, woman, child, and every other thing you find in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 

20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and hey, I’ll be with you guys forever and ever. We can still hang out in the tabernacle.”

Our full translation should be available by July 2020.