Lander, WY – In a strange and atypical turn of events a Wyoming Catholic College freshman lost, and reportedly today, found their nalgene water bottle without sending out an all-school e-mail. Speaking today to IIT reporters after his incredible discovery of his bottle in a top-secret area known as a “Lost and Found”, Mitch Cambell of South Carolina told us: “It was kind of weird, but it just sort of happened. Somehow I forgot to follow the usual protocol and tell my classmates, professors, staff, and alumni of my loss, but St. Anthony must have sent it for me, because I just ambled around today, and saw my nalgene right there in front of me.” This is a record first at WCC according to Jerry Callaway, a statistician for the school, and follows a heavy semester of lost items (up 24% year-over-year), likely due to many people leaving things behind when everyone left down due to the Chinese coronavirus.

“If only this could continue” is the phrase on nearly everyone’s mind, and especially that of school IT administrators, who report that emails about lost items are “nearly taking us over the storage limits on our email server and slowing down speeds on school networks by 24% versus what they would be without such emails.