Lander, WY – Everett Polinski, former head of Irkutsk Ice Truckers (IIT) has placed a bid for the social media network Twitter after Elon Musk announced his intention yesterday to cancel his own $44 billion deal for the network. According to Everett, he like Elon, “sees a great potential for Twitter’s future if I can just make a few changes.” Everett, also like Elon, plans to allow for greater freedom of speech and less censorship on the platform along plans to grow the company’s revenues and increase conversational quality by fighting spam bots, growing paid memberships, and increasing employee productivity.

Unlike Elon Musk’s $44 billion dollar deal, however, Everett is bidding only about $500 in total, or 0.000065 cents per share (~15,000 shares per cent spent) but believes his deal “is far superior to Musk’s as Twitter knows with my plan that they won’t be sold to just anybody, but rather to a guy who’s incredibly goofy, techy, and weird just like them, myself.”

If Everett’s deal, filed officially as an offer with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Comission today, succeeds, he will take the company private for “about three years of reorganizing as I move its headquarters to my bedroom, cut the fluff, and make the whole thing fun again.”

Everett also suggested he would allow banned users like former U.S. president Donald Trump back onto the platform and plans to raise the platform’s infamous 140-character limit to “something more humane and literary, like 50,000 words.”