Alexandria, VA – The U.S. National Science Foundation (NSF) has announced a $342,000 research grant to a group of scientists working to find ways to help residents of Wyoming Catholic College’s St. Leo’s Dormitory wake up in time for their classes.

According to Dr. Sethuraman Panchanathan, director of the NSF, “residents of St. Leo’s Dormitory at WCC seem to always miss all their classes, and it can’t possibly be their fault or have anything to do with their lifestyle.”

“Rather, it’s some time of social inequity which makes them unable to properly take care of themselves and meet their obligations. Obviously we need to discover the bigoted source of this problem and nullify it, so that’s why the NSF today is alloting $342,000 to research the causes of this terrible problem and find ways to fix it.”

According to the team of six researchers at the Massachusetts’ Institute of Technology (MIT) who will begin working on this the “Leo’s Bros Problem” beginning next month this is “one of the hardest and most critical research projects they’ve ever undertaken.”

As one commented to IIT, “We could be forced to look into everything from louder alarms to specialized limo services and more potent Red Bull formulation to improvements to the Fortnite video game [to make the games Leo’s bros play on it finish sooner and not take up all night]. But we’re up to the challenge. One day Leo’s bros will make it to class on time, no matter what the cost.”