IIT’s intelligence sources warn everyone to beware of a possible “imposter” working in the kitchen sometime this weekend. “We don’t know why they’re there exactly, but having overheard some sort of conversation about a ‘pay-off’ and taking someone’s place and ‘forging a signature’ with two hours of work, we know something is up,” our source tells us. 

 WCC’s advanced security systems prevent anyone outside the school from getting in without being noticed, especially into the kitchen, so we don’t know how this alleged imposter plans to enter unnoticed and apparently work unnoticed. Further, what they want is concerning a few, as with junior Marcus Gardner, who heard of this intelligence data from his own sources and claims “this is a plan to sneak in the kitchen, sabotage the gas lines, oven, maybe throw some flour around, typical messing with us.” He doesn’t know who’s behind this, however, nor why, which is the bigger question on the minds of most students who’ve heard this leak. 

Samantha Hart a senior from Utah says for one,  “Why, here? We’re just a small school, no money, no big money research, no political power, and no one knows about us. Something as crazy as  ‘kitchen spies’ only happens in detective pulp fiction taken to the absurd.”

WCC Security forces said they’ll be extra cautious with this apparent threat and “will ask kitchen supervisors to check students’ IDs from those working in the kitchen”. But they dismiss the threat as being real saying in a statement today: “The apparent threat some of you may have heard is most likely just that someone misheard students talking. All precautions are being taken, but there is no cause for concern. If anything happens Anslam will man up and show up.”

Most students, in the wake of some other weird happenings around campus and involving students, are far more worried than this, but freshman Charlie Cudd summed up the general feeling about everything well saying: “This school keeps getting weirder.”

That’s what many of us here at IIT think to, but until security forces and our intelligence operatives determine what’s really happening with this apparent threat we urge you to take it seriously and be on your guard, especially in Frassati itself.