Lander, WY – Longstanding rumors around Wyoming Catholic College that something really big, something maybe even absolutely massive is going on have deepened today with some of the first hard evidence, of, well, at least something. Leaked to IIT news reporters from a high-ranking WCC administration official, this below photo shows several WCC faculty and staff members in what appears to be medical protective garb.
Our source didn’t tell us exactly what the photo was about or meant but out investigative team is already cracking down on exactly what the mysterious photos reveal. At present five theories are currently being investigated by our staff and are listed below. As we get more information we’ll keep you updated on what seems to be the first definitive proof of what IIT staff reporter Sophia Donaldson calls “the world’s first absolutely massive conspiracy.”
Here are our top theories about what this photo actually means:
5. Wyoming Catholic College has started manufacturing computer chips
While of course this would imply that the first and obvious meaning, that the four people in the photo are in some sort of medical facility, is not correct, similar clothing is worn in areas where extreme precision and cleanliness are necessary. Think computer chip manufacturing, for instance. And when you put WCC’s Technology Policy together with its absolutely massive student body, it might make sense that WCC is launching a new line of “approved tech” that students will have to purchase from if they are to own or have it on campus. One giveaway that supports this theory: the facial expressions of everyone in the picture. Exactly what you’d expect, according to one of our agents, from people who’ve just signed a highly profitable business transaction and are examining what they’ve purchased. Like computer chips on an underground assembly line, for instance.
4. They’re just playing Poker
While this is not strictly a conspiracy theory, it is a conspiracy theory in the sense that is a conspiracy theory that there is actually no conspiracy going on. Many of the people in the picture are known to be good card players. Perhaps they’re just taking a few precautions and trying to look their most professional before settling down to the chips.
3. The people in the image aren’t really there
Perhaps this photo is just a edited montage made to act as a decoy. I mean think about it. If four people were separated and apart from each other, what better alibi than to circulate a leaked photo that all four of them were together at some determinate time. The fact that you can’t actually full see the faces of everyone in the photo contributes to the likelihood of this possibility since a bad Photoshop job of the faces is somewhat covered up if the people in the image aren’t fully visible. If this photo is used within the next few weeks to provide an alibi for one of the people featured in it, I think you’ll agree that I do have a point.
2. WCC administration has just developed their own coronavirus vaccine
I mean, Ruth Kress has been working on it with Mari for over a year now, so it would make sense that the WCC vaccine is near complete. Perhaps these are just the chief doctors behind the work (moonlighting WCC professors of course) gathering for a celebrattory photoshoot. That would fully explain the medical garb in context as well as the presence of the school’s President, Chief Financial Officer, Executive Vice President, and a Science professor in the same shot. The only weird part about this theory is why such an image would be so secretive, unless perhaps, its because WCC hasn’t decided which Work Study students are going to be the one’s delivering and administering it. That might explain a desire to get all the logistical kinks worked out before officially announcing sucesss, but we’re still a little unsure about this theory
1. Just a few people working on the Fountain of Youth
It’s a little to complex to fully explain in just a paragraph, but the strongest rumors running around WCC for the past few years have had much of Wyoming Catholic College being merely a front organization for scientist researchers involved in perfecting a semi-artificial, semi-alien process for life extension and youthfullness. In other words, WCC is a big conspiracy to cover up the Fountain of Youth and sell it off in increments to interested “donors”. The evidence is mostly indirect, coming from student reports, the experiences of certain IIT reporters and researchers, and the testimony of a few leakers, but in the absence of hard photographic evidence of a rumored underground research facility in Sinks Canyon, we’ve been extremely quiet about our suspicions thus far in order not to let our knowledge possibly leak back to those involved in the conspiracy itself. Since, however, this is hard evidence of something, and few people in the WCC administration probably read all the way to the end of our articles, we feel mildly confident in putting this, what I (all of us at IIT) think is the most likely explanation for this photo out there at the forefront, in the public eye, in hopes that more people can provide us evidence so we can expose the massive secret going beyond even this project that is Lander, Wyoming and WCC.
In this view, the faculty and staff in the photo are in between experiments at the underground facility in Sinks Canyon, and have perhaps just succeeded in attaining some particular goal? The medical garb, apparent smiles, and who exactly is in the picture again, would seem to support all our suspicions.
If you do have evidence of the Fountain of Youth conspiracy or the even more broadly encompassing, Lander Conspiracy, including the foreign spies that can be found all over Lander, the missile base out in the Lander Sand Hills, the underground facilities, and (we think) cities in the Absaroka and Wind River Mountains: PLEASE LET US KNOW. Send any info you have to firstname.lastname@example.org and Thank You!