Donald Trump has made another promise in order to boost his performance amidst the Catholic vote, a plan to “make the Diaconate Great Again.”
“Terrible. They’re terrible,” Trump commented. “Most Catholic Deacons remind me of Tim Walz. They’re softies. They always read the Gospel wrong and don’t even take their job seriously. Have you ever seen one baptizing recently? No, you haven’t. Unreal. It’s a disgrace to the Church and to America.
“But believe me. When you elect Trump we’re going to make the diaconate great again. We’re going to bring back deacons like Stephen. Anybody heard of him? Great guy, fine guy. I know he was martyred and I don’t really like that, but he would have loved me, and he was the type of speaker and go-getter the likes of which no one had ever seen before.
“But the Diaconate. Nasty, stupid, the way lying Joe, Kamala, and their friends in the Church have made it. Terrible. But we’re going to make it better. We’re going to make it greater than ever before. You’re going to be saying ‘Trump, we wish you hadn’t made the diaconate so good, they’re putting the priests to shame with their amazing baptisms, marriages and preaching.”
Trump has reportedly even suggested that he would like to become a deacon himself, although he added according to our source that “it’s a little low for me, I might make another run at becoming Pope because Pope Frank is doing a terrible job and Catholics love me.”