WCC Calls on Mujahideen For Law Enforcement Aid

Lander, WY – Wyoming Catholic College hallways are getting increasingly more dangerous.

You might get heckled in Latin, hit by a stay Nerf bullet, or worse.

So what do you do, who you gonna call?

Why the Mujahideen, of course.

For nearly the last two years, the WCC Mujahideen, also known as the Furies of Kateri’s (+ a man of John’s^TM) have unofficially helped WCC patrol the hallways and establish order, a rule of law, and the basic foundations of our WCC democracy^TM. They’ve established checkpoints, interrogated the staff, and harassed the supply lines of marauding invaders.

But now, in the darkest hour of WCC, where meme warfare distracts students from their intellectual goals, RedBull smugglers sneak past their checkpoints and the Furies’ gazes by force, the WCC Mujahideen has been called to take on a more official, disciplined, enlisted role for the college.

Under the leadership of the “One-Who-Has-Sass-Beyond-No-Compare,” these Kateri’s Furies^TM will begin patrolling the dormitories, extracting fines, tribute, and donuts at knitting-needle-point. They will begin enforcing dress code with a literal measuring rod, and will be armed with the full faith and credit of the WCC Student Life Office.

With moral authority on their side, the ability to shame all transgressors at their fingertips, and finally, finally, the school standing with them, the WCC Mujahideen will pretty much become the WCC government.

However, some students are fearful about what might happen with this organization being given official authority and standing within the WCC administrative system. As one couple told IIT, under condition of anonymity for fear of their dignity, “We cannot get out. We cannot get out. They have taken the bridge and second hall. We still hold the chamber but hope is fading now. We cannot get out. The end comes soon. We hear drums, drums in the deep. They are coming…”