What do you do with a drunken student? Put them in a prison of course. Rather than penalize people with fines, community service, or other tomfoolerishness, just stick them all away for a day or two and they’ll reform. Don’t overload the town’s police department with our troubles. Let’s just have a prison of our own, a justice system of our own, and rule unruly students with the force of law.

The basement of Orchard is a great spot. Prison sentences don’t need to be that lengthy. A week away from friends, should cure most misbehavior. Hey, we could even have “Prison Guard” as a new work-study position. And a prison sounds like a really great spot for reading things in the WCC curriculum. Anything from Boethius to Dostoevsky will just feel all the more real. Contrary to popular opinion you can study in prison.

Hey, let’s do it.