Professor Patton (center) teaching two patients

Did you know that I.I.T. has a scientific research division?

Well, if you didn’t, keep reading.

Our very own Professor Cyril Patton has made incredible discoveries in health and medicine and has a message for everyone but particularly college students and similar people.
After years of intense research on very-willing test subjects Professor Patton has discovered that general health, mood, energy, and metalhead life skills are perfected by … get this: not sleeping!
A surprise? Not to Patton who has been living this lifestyle for years already. To improve results even better, Patton suggests to add a heavy nutritional dose of coffee to one’s daily routine. “Energy levels, test scores, game scores, ability to scream, it all improves when you just skip sleep” explains Patton.
To that end and to improve the lives of our employees and customers IIT is declaring this to be a sleep-free semester to raise awareness about the dangers of sleep and the enormous health benefits of what IIT board member Everett Polinski calls the “Christendom party life”.
Want a free 12 page pamphlet to learn more about Professor Patton’s new Institute for the Prevention of Sleep?
Be one of our first 100 customers and write now to Cyril at

Make this a sleep free semester!