Lander, WY – Juniors at Wyoming Catholic College are hot in the middle of reading Shakespeare’s comedies and tragedies for their Humanities 301 course. For the same class they’re also in the midst of their paper on Shakespearean comedy and tragedy, writing their close-reading paragraphs on the same, or studying for quote identification quizzes on Shakespeare.
Now that’s a lot of Shakespeare. But imagine what might happen if you take students who already spend a lot of time thinking about Shakespeare, reading Shakespeare, reading about Shakespeare, and the like on their own. What happens when you add a heavy class focused on the man due to their private interest and study.
Concerningly, it appears it may be edging on veneration at best and worship at worst, with several reports in to IIT today that one junior from Wisconsin in particular is “practically worshipping Shakespeare already and has been doing so since the beginning of the semester.”
As our source quoted he asked several of his classmates today: “Is it proper to capitalize pronouns that refer to Shakespeare?” Now this is an action of reverence that is typically reserved for God alone, but it wouldn’t be all that concerning if it wasn’t for who this particular student was. You see Zed, as we’re code-naming this student, is also a head sacristan at the school, which means he has all sorts of contacts in high places within the Church. Contacts that can pull strings and get things done that is. Now tie that in with the further bit of intelligence gathered by IIT, that one of his roommates heard him discussing on the phone whether “St. Shakespeare is just a doctor of the Church, or a prophet” while adding something about “how much do first class relics cost so I can finally worship in person” and there seems to be a problem.
“I never would have thought it of him, he’s such a perfect Rad-Trad otherwise,” reports a graduate who has worked with Zed in the past. “We’re on the edge of idolatry if not something worse,” he adds. “What if the freshmen get hold of this, such as they are usually wont, and start building a theology around Shakespeare? There we go again.”
No definitive evidence of course has as yet been received proving that Zed is in fact wishing to worship Shakespeare, so he’s being presumed innocent for the moment, but chaplaincy officials “will be keeping a close eye on him to ensure he doesn’t switch out the readings for Shakespeare or anything wild like that.”
Several seniors are rumored to have begun praying to “St. Albert Einstein” before Science classes, and St. John Locke before their Politics classes as well.