Lander, WY – Local Wyoming Catholic College Senior Ryland Mulligan is no stranger to aggressive deadlines. Once, he led the 21-Day Freshmen Expedition even after attending a family wedding the day it started on the other side of the country. Another time, he set the world speed record for longboarding when he woke up only two minutes before his first class one day and managed to get downtown in 36 seconds. Or, I guess, the fact that he committed to coming to WCC the day before he was supposed to arrive. And yes, he still managed to get here in time.

But none of these hold a candle to today’s chad move on his part, holding off on starting his senior thesis until the due date for the final draft.

“I’m just chillin around till I come up with a good idea, my dude. Might due to philosophy, might do literature, I’m just not sure yet,” Mulligan told IIT journalist Jeff Sarvis this morning, who found him sitting in Crux, “without a care in the world.”

“So you really don’t have anything started yet?” Sarvis asked.

“Nah, too early in the day.”

“But a thesis is 20-40 pages!”

“Chill bro, there’s time. Sail. Be happy. Plant a pineapple tree,” the senior replied. “A seven-nation army couldn’t even make be worried. What time is it, 7:45? Why am I even awake yet?

Ryland Mulligan’s thesis advisor, Dr. Adam Corporal, is also, surprisingly, just as relaxed as his advisee. “Humans are just so amazing,” he commented. “Just feel it, imagine it. There’s seemingly no limit to what we can do, given enough cigars and enough time to smoke them.”

Mulligan’s strategy is the opposite of his classmate Bill Cook, who started writing his thesis three years ago and has been working on his current draft for upwards of a year with exactly the required page count and three-hundred citations to boot.