As many of you may know, one member of the WCC admissions team, its only man, was recently cancelled (albeit by his own decision). This has sparked concerns among many students and friends of the college that only women will want to come next year. Never fear, the WCC admissions team is here and has shared with us their all-new top ten strategies for attracting men to next year’s freshman class.

  1. Having an all-female admissions team.
  2. Resting their hopes in the fact that the word “freshman” contains the word “man”
  3. Promising to give out more financial aid to men. Wow, this must mean things are serious. It’s a complete reversal of 15 years of policy to always give scholarships to women.
  4. Automatically enrolling all male siblings of current students and directly debiting their parent’s accounts (which they already have access to).
  5. Advertising the pending ratio of women to me (3:1) as a plus for student’s “vocational options”.
  6. Horses.
  7. Telling men that participating in class discussions at WCC will make them better at talking to women.
  8. Dorm Raids and Fight Nights. Oh wait, we’re admitting that they exist now?
  9. Following the lead of other Ivy League schools and just eliminating admissions entirely. All it does is limit the school’s income, anyway.
  10. Asking women to put down “Male” just for their admissions application just so that the weekly numbers presented to the WCC president look better. Hey, it’s 2022!