Attention Rowdy Student Rockers!
The moment you’ve all been waiting for is finally here. IIT is about to start selling prime matter. We’re proud to offer this world-first worldwide to our customers from October 1st of this year and as IIT chairman Everett Polinski proclaims, “It will be the coolest aspect you’ve ever intellected.” Not only will our prime matter be completely safe with a guaranteed 100% accident free rate it will come in completely invisible, bio-degradable containers to allow you full, quick, and easy access to the potential you need, when you need it.
Philosophers the world round have long declared what we’re coming out with to be an impossibility, but in the words of our adviser Marcus Gardner, a WCC Junior, “Don’t worry about it bro.” Even among those who believed getting prime matter by itself was possible, their theory went that you would have to go through the act of destroying a nature to get any access to it. but we’re proud to say that not just you, but even us won’t have to deal with all those messy essences, accidents, and the like that tend to stick themselves within prime matter. We’ve discovered rather how to simply separate out forms from trash around campus, recycling them but packaging the potential. Unlike our supposed competitors, who are still failing in trying to separate prime matter out from Amazon prime boxes and prime rib steak, our process actually works, is painless for all the natures involved and is 100% safe.
And if you be wondering, on the other hand, exactly what prime matter is for, IIT researchers working on the substance have been themselves amazed at exactly how many incredible uses there are for this stuff.
It’s like the fountain of youth, the firmament, the alchemistic philosopher’s stone and water all rolled up into one ball of shapeless goodness.Here are a few of the many amazing things IIT Prime Matter (TM) can do for you.
- Simply look at our totally invisible, shapelessly beautiful potential and you’ll be moved along into the deepest philosophical contemplation as every form stands out to you in full view by contrast.
- Need water on a camping trip. Simply carry along the IIT Water Form, impress it into your prime matter, and you have the cleanest water anywhere. 10 times better than beta-dine, and at least twice as easy to use as dehydrated water.
- Add it to your Amazon account electronically and trade it for any of their millions of items worldwide. Prime matter is formless and shapeless, so it doesn’t weigh anything and can be electronically sent anywhere
- How many forms can you fit into prime matter? One of the most ancient of debates, something we know Socrates was pondering during his long nights in his stint of military service, this question can finally be answered now that we have it. And not just for knowledge for its own sake, but for the pride of knowing that you are possibly even smarter than Socrates, we’re sure that many of you will want our prime matter just to answer this question. Don’t worry, will let you answer it (we won’t fit more than two forms at once into any of our prime matter in any of our tests – we guarantee it!)
- Tired of nature, wan’t to get a rest in the artificial? Surround yourself (metaphorically of course) with our prime matter, close your eyes, and you don’t even have to ponder a single nature.
- Confuse your TAC friends with something they still think is an impossibility. If you’re from Wyoming Catholic College this becomes even more fun as you can undo the stigma you might be facing from the TACeys of being behind the times. Show Thomas Aquinas how advanced you are!
IIT Prime Matter: Prime matter at Prime Prices for Prime People.
Available October 1st on irkutskicetruckers.com or by contacting us at sales@irkutskicetruckers.com. Prices start at $4.99. Substantial and accidental forms (both artificial and recycled) will be available from October 10th, contact us for more details.
Prime Matter, Prime Prices, Prime People