Freshmen of the Class of 2024 returned from their Freshman Expedition early Saturday and according to reports now dominate the school. “There are so many they’re practically non-denumerable” says one junior. “Freshmen. Freshmen, everywhere and not one yet do I know.”

Dorm capacity, even with several modifications, new dorms being added, and as we reported new and unique locations, was still nearly completely overwhelmed this year. “We stuffed more people into every room, added more rooms, and filled everything to the brim and we still couldn’t handle it,” says school Student Life assistant director Mary Rensilret. “Even we don’t know how many freshmen there are and neither does the school even really know for sure themselves.”

WCCLEs, groupings of students for the Freshman Expedition, still numbered only five this year, but each carried as many as twenty-five students in each, up from around twelve last year and nine two years ago. So large, in fact, were they that you could practically feel the earth tremble as they walked by, according to a NOLS instructor who happened to pass by several WCCLEs over the past weeks.

A few freshmen may even have been picked up along the routes followed by students on the expedition. Again Resnilret comments, “Since we never really got a solid count of freshmen we still can’t really be sure. But even after seven or maybe eight people got evacuated off the expedition the WCCLEs didn’t seem any smaller. Maybe it’s time that we evaluate our found person protocols,” she added.

According to IIT sources within school administration, the freshman class will have somewhere between six and eight sections for classes this semester, giving us an approximate estimate of the class’s size as anywhere between ninety and one-hundred-and sixty students. This has forced the school to hire several new professors to compensate although according to Rensilret,” most of the freshman demand can be covered by merely taking professors off of teaching other people, especially the juniors, now that that class is absolutely diminutive.”

Reportedly freshmen now comprise 80% of the school according to anecdotal reports from a “Welcome Back BBQ” held tonight.